I stopped everything. Stopped exercising, stopped eating healthy, stopped going to work, stopped hanging out with my friends, stopped being happy.

I leave for Paris today. My goal was to be 20 pounds lighter. Well, there has been no loss or no gain….or so I thought. I tried on a new pair of jeans and they fit looser—-not totally too big, but I will take it for as little effort as I put in.

I had so many goals to accomplish by today and none of them got done. Instead, I lost all my friends and fell into a deep depression. I don’t think I have ever felt so hopeless in my life. I drove myself to that place of darkness. I put too much pressure on myself to be perfect——eat healthy everyday, exercise everyday, be outgoing and happy. Its just too much for such little time.

But now I’m leaving. I’m forgetting everything that has happened this past year. I’m going to take a deep breathe, except what has happened, and relax. I’m going to have fun on my adventure and come back recharged. When I come back, I WILL lose this weight before I move to Colorado. I WILL succeed because I now know how to approach myself in a new light.

OFF TO HAVE FUN!

I can’t stop eating. For the past 2 weeks all I do is eat eat eat. It’s like I’m in a trance and just can’t stop. I gained like 10th pounds and Europe is in a month and a half. I feel like shit and I just want to change so bad, but the only thing on my mind is the next thing I can stuff in my mouth :(